Wow. That's how I want to begin this post. I put so much trust into this guy, and I'm not feeling it's being reciprocated. I'm tired of taking the backseat to everything and everyone in his life. I know what I want in life, and having contact with this guy is not helping. There was a time when I thought we were on the same page, but now things have changed. It's naive of me to believe that things would not change. How can you really love someone, but put them through so much pain. Everything throughout this fake relationship has been on his terms. I'm at a point where I just want to say forget it because it's not worth the pain. I made this whole list of reasons why I love him, but I'm beginning to ask myself does the good out way the bad. And just when I think I'm over it, he comes back into my life. I'm trying to stay strong, and remember that if he really loved me things would be different. It's gotten to a point where, I feel he's become comfortable with where we are, and he doesn't want anything more. I've given him every indication that it's acceptable, so why would he want to do something differently. I've spent my nights home stressed, scared, crying because I'm afraid I'm going to lose him. I believe I'm a great person, I'm not perfect, but I'm loyal, honest, and I would do anything for the person I love. I feel like I'm shown him that a number  of times, and he's done nothing but take advantage. For years I've been unhappy, and when I found him I thought things were finally getting better for me. Now it's like he's pushing me away purposely. I ask myself do you really want to hold on when all the signs are telling you to let go?